The Quiet Cost of Leading from the Front
As a Leadership coach, confidentiality will always restrict what I share, suffice to say I’ve had a ringside seat to leadership at the highest levels. And I’ll let you in on a secret…While it’s trendy to share ‘this is me’ stories,
Leaders, (particularly men) are not exactly trailblazers when it comes to vulnerability.
Let’s talk strategy, systems, even succession plans. But loneliness? Overwhelm? That gets quietly filed under “Let’s not go there.”
But today because it’s LonelinessAwarenessWeek I am going there. Because loneliness affects more people, more deeply, than we talk about. And it matters. Especially in leadership.
Loneliness is feeling unseen, unheard, unsupported or disconnected from those around you.
Dave: (not his real name)
“To suddenly realise that I’m the one who needs help more than anyone else[…] it’s difficult to even begin to process[…] I’m used to being the one who holds everything together.”
My role was to listen because leadership can be lonely for so many reasons and it’s not because others don’t care, but because they don’t always see the weight you carry.
Loneliness is complex, it comes in different forms:
EmotionalLoneliness –’The Gray 50+ Divorce,’ When someone you were close to is no longer there, a life or business partner, even your best friend. When they’re gone, it leaves a hole, and like a three-legged stool missing a leg, we get wobbly.
#SocialLoneliness – You’re always busy but lack a wider network of friends, colleagues, or peers. Loneliness is being a circle that no one else’s circle intersects with when what you really want is to be like a Venn diagram with that overlap, their life in yours, and yours in theirs.
TransientLoneliness – Suddenly realising you haven’t had a meaningful conversation all day or that tough decision you made alone, feeling the weight of it, just for a moment.
SituationalLoneliness – Loneliness on Sundays, holidays, Christmas, times that emphasise what’s missing.
ChronicLoneliness – When loneliness becomes constant, no longer just a moment, but a day to day reality, making decisions for everyone, but never being seen yourself. Loss of enjoyment, strained relationships at home because the pressure of leading bleeds into personal connections
Ready to talk about it?
A client once told me:
“Loneliness is like being on a desert island. You feel there’s only you. Normally, when you go through something, you have friends, you have family, you’re going through it with them. But when you’re leading in isolation when it’s all on your shoulders, when you need a pat on the back, someone to ask ‘how are YOU doing.?’…suddenly the desert island loses it’s tropical appeal suddenly it’s real.”
Being a ‘lone’ Leader doesn’t mean loneliness is inevitable. Loneliness is a feeling and as with all feelings we can change our state and change our feelings.
If this resonate let’s have a chat…
Whether your are concerned about your leadership team or your own situation click the link and let’s start with a free 30 minute chat: https://calendly.com/niki-kerr/30-minute-meeting
